against the grain

“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.” - Albert Camus

If you’re new here, paid subscribers receive Story Work exercises every Sunday night at 8 pm et. Story Work: Field Notes on Self-Discovery and Reclaiming Your Narrative is the name of my new book which is forthcoming from Broadleaf in November 2025. The term describes my signature process of reflecting, reclaiming, and reimagining the stories of our lives. It involves looking at your life experiences as creative material that you have the power to shape. For the next few weeks, our story work theme is Against the Grain. This first post in the series is open to all subscribers. (By the way, I created an index that categorizes all the story work exercises by theme.)

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Before we get into it, a reminder about two upcoming workshops:

May 21 - June 25. The Story Work Healing Intensive // 6 - 8 pm et
— six-week journey into writing as a tool for healing and self-discovery, currently four spots left

May 18 - 25. Writing About Mental Illness Workshop // 2 - 4 pm et
— two-day workshop through The Writer’s Center

Photo by Joseph Frank on Unsplash

Every time you say ‘yes’ to your creativity, you are saying ‘no’ to conformity.

Every time you say ‘yes’ to your truth, you are saying ‘no’ to someone’s expectations.

As we’ve explored over the past few weeks through the Defying Scarcity series, to make the shift from scarcity to an abundance mindset, we have to go against the grain of many societal and cultural norms.

For the next few weeks, this will be our study:

How do we emotionally and strategically prepare ourselves to say no to conformity, stagnation, and the resulting creative scarcity? How do we sustain our conviction to stay on our own path when we are also hungry for belonging and connection?

why do we avoid going against the grain?

We fear the friction. We don’t know if it will be worth the burn.

We know that we are going to face judgment and opinions, maybe even exclusion or erasure, and we don’t know how we will deal with that.

So we choose a multiple-choice life instead of a short-answer life, limiting ourselves to the options that the world presents to us.

From the day we are born, we learn by imitating. It’s an instinctive behavior that helps us learn and survive. We imitate facial expressions, physical postures and gestures, and speaking patterns. By fitting into the appearances and patterns of the group, we feel more secure, more accepted and sure of our actions.

If we continue looking outward instead of inward as we grow in age and experience, we risk becoming so blindly indoctrinated that we lose touch with our inner guidance altogether.

This is how we end up with surface lives—limiting our abilities, failing to discover our innate talents and strengths, and betraying ourselves to stay within the confines of what society considers normal.

When we feel disillusioned by the rules the world has imposed on us, inevitably, our intuition will call us to turn inward.

Some of us ignore the call.

Some of us turn inward and find emotional blocks that cloud our ability to recognize our authentic needs, desires, and gifts and the creative possibilities they offer.

Some of us turn inward and find a natural self-assurance, a sense of identity so rooted in authenticity that it insists on itself no matter the outside noise.

Some of us say ‘yes’ to self-discovery and journey through all of these phases.

Self-discovery is the first step to breaking away from a life of conformity. From the lostness that stems from abandoning ourselves in search of safety.

The road less traveled is rocky, and it’s okay to honor your fear. Much of the self-discovery journey is about changing your relationship with fear, learning to see it for the smoke and mirrors that it really is.

Photo by Thomas Lipke on Unsplash

Creative self-discovery is a lantern, lighting the path as you search for yourself.

When we stop ignoring the call and admit to ourselves that we are not showing up fully, that we are cutting off parts of ourselves to fit in, we then have the choice to go against the grain and explore our identities as artists.

(Before you even have the thought—I’m not an artist—yes, you are. We are all artists. Our lives are our art.)

I used to think of artists as other people, certainly not me. I didn’t think I was colorful or bold or esoteric enough to call myself that. It took me some time to realize that I am, and always have been, an artist with experiences, emotions, and perspectives that make up my creative material.

Embracing my creative identity was one of the mindset shifts necessary for me to go against the grain to create a life that felt good and right and true for me.

When I started my self-discovery journey online, I was scared, but I was driven by something I couldn’t explain. A knowing that this was an adventure I needed to take. A mustard-seed of faith that promised I would be okay, and eventually I would thrive.

Grudgingly, I answered the call to do things differently. To craft a new story and carve out a new path, and write about how I did it.

Looking through the lens of the storyteller types, I discovered my gamechanger energy. The gamechanger wants to break a cycle, raise awareness, or normalize a way of being that is taboo in some way.

They are innovators who present a new idea or way of doing things that goes against the grain of what’s expected in their environment. They may be seen as rebels, outcasts, weirdos, or troublemakers by those who want them to stay the same, be quiet, and fit in.

If you resonate with this type, you may want to break generational cycles of silence and trauma, secrets and lies. Becoming the truth-teller that you were once too afraid or too conflicted to be.

You may live an unconventional lifestyle that makes you feel ostracized and unsupported in environments that you are emotionally attached to. Causing you to create boundaries and separations that are painful but necessary.

Choosing to go against the grain makes you a gamechanger.

When this is your choice, there is no shortcut through the discomfort. It means choosing again and again to stand on your own and find safety in yourself, so you can ultimately attract the genuine belonging and connection you long for.

In this series we will look at:

• The Road Less Traveled. Giving ourselves permission to develop our own spaces and ways of being creative, thinking outside of the box, channeling the energy of the explorer.

• Unpopular opinion. Sitting with the discomfort of being seen when expressing our truthiest truths and vulnerabilities, especially when they go against what is deemed normal and accepted. Developing resilience in the face of doubt and disapproval.

• Lifestyle choices. Going against the grain and living creatively calls for boundaries, support systems, and a toolbox of practices that protect your needs, preferences, and freedom to choose.

I don’t profess to have all the answers, as I, too, am living the questions. Let’s explore these ideas together over the next few weeks. We will all come away with more awareness, clarity, and connection to the guiding truth that lives beneath our fear.

Exercise:

Self-Discovery

• Which of your values, beliefs, and/or choices go against the grain of your family or community, or mainstream, societal expectations?

• When did you first feel different from ‘the norm? Did you resist or lean into it, and what were you thinking and feeling? If doubts and fears came up—how did you respond to them?

• How has going against the grain (or not) affected your sense of identity and purpose?

Storytelling

• Write about a time when you (or a character) had to choose between living their truth and fitting into a group.

• Write an open letter to the world from the rebel that lives inside of you.

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