for the perfectionist writer

5 ways to access your most honest writing voice

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Hi Everyone,

This one is for:

the perfectionist writer…
the writer who questions the quality of their writing voice…
the writer who thinks they need a bigger vocabulary…
the writer who can’t make progress because they criticize every word they write…
the writer who doesn’t think their writing is special enough…

What if questioning your writing voice is not a skill issue, it’s a vulnerability issue?

Being a perfectionist writer doesn’t mean that you think your writing is perfect. On the contrary, it means you struggle to start, continue, and finish projects because you are so critical of your words.

As a creative coach, I primarily work with writers and creatives who are writing about their lived experiences, and voice is an element of how they shape their stories. These writers are seeking emotional impact and soulful expression more than technical execution.

Of course developing your craft and enhancing your skills is a valuable part of the journey. That doesn't mean you need to wait until you reach a certain level of experience or education in order to feel worthy of making your art right here and now.

In Naked, Drunk, and Writing by Adair Lara, she says:

“Your voice is your personality on the page. ‘Finding your voice’ means sounding like yourself on the page. It means discarding the unnatural pitches you experiment with along the way, or that you were taught in school, and letting your natural voice out, that low, thrilling voice you were born with.”

Your personality on the page.

One of the most harmful distractions in my writing journey has been my own self-doubt. Judging the way I write and questioning if my voice—the natural way I express myself— is good enough. In the past, I’ve given up on projects before I could even really get started because it wasn’t coming out perfectly on the first try.

Can you relate? 

You might question if you have the vocabulary to say what you need to say. What if you can’t find the words to hold the weight and complexity of the message you’re trying to deliver? You question if your words will matter when it’s all been said before. Once the doubts start, they quickly pile up.

What if you interrupt the doubts by using writing as a practice of self-acceptance?

Too often we worry about the technical aspects of writing before we give ourselves the opportunity to open up for raw expression. But we’re missing out when we do this!

Eventually I saw so many projects stall because of my self-criticism that I just got tired of it and was like—enough!—I have things to say and I’m just going to say them however they come out.

I find the most healing when I release all expectation and just let the words flow. I just try to get out of the way and let go. It not only helps me write with less resistance, it also helps me move my projects forward more consistently, and take on more without feeling like I’m working harder. It feels easier because I’m fighting with myself less and I’m trusting the process more.

I’ve realized that:

Readers won’t gravitate to you because of the perfection of your writing, they will read your work again and again because of how it makes them feel. 

If you were to think of your writing as a celebration of your creative voice, instead of an assessment of your skill, how does that affect your mindset as you write? How can it help you write with more freedom?  

Let your writing be a place where you practice being honest with yourself. What does your truth sound like? What does your imagination look and feel like? What rhythms do your words create and what echoes do they leave behind?  It’s time to believe that you are worthy of taking up space and being seen and felt without shrinking.

In a 2015 essay for Kweli Journal, Vanessa Mártir broke it down:

“For me, finding my voice was very much a process of unlearning—unlearning what I’d been taught that said that my voice was wrong or inferior or inappropriate. To find that voice that I’m most comfortable with, that voice I use when I’m telling stories to my friends in my kitchen, over a cold glass of whiskey and ginger, and a delicious meal; I had to sit down with my stories and remind myself that I’ve always been enough no matter what or who said I wasn’t. And that is why now, when you read something of mine, you know it’s me that wrote it. Because I know my voice. Still, it took me some time and a whole lot of work to get there.”

Unlearning what we’ve been taught.

“Finding” your voice is less about perfecting the technical aspects like grammar and sentence structure and more about removing the filters that block your natural expression. 

Reflect:

Where do your filters come from? Maybe you put a filter on when you were criticized by a teacher or teased by a classmate. Maybe you put a filter on when you read your favorite writer and compare yourself to them. Maybe your filters come from people-pleasing and seeking approval more than authenticity. First recognize these origins and decide that you’re ready to try on a different perspective. 

So how can a ‘perfectionist writer’ work on writing with more freedom?

We work with what we have. We use whatever language we have to distill the message or idea into words on the page. We focus on connecting instead of impressing. 

Here are five ways you can practice accessing your most honest writing voice:

• For the first draft, write like grammar, punctuation, and spelling don’t matter. Make emotional honesty your goal, not clever words and sentences. Don’t try to make it sound pretty. Write the way you talk. Don’t edit anything until you’re done getting your ideas down. I can’t stress this enough. Remove the rules and guidelines you were taught and just write. Stop writing to impress. Write to connect. Trust the relationship you are building with the page. Trust that the page can hold whatever you give it.

• Journal about your idea on paper before you start typing it up. Writing by hand slows you down and provides a more direct connection to your soul. We tend to be more informal with ourselves and feel less inclined to edit as we go when we are writing longhand. 

• Write like you are telling a story to yourself or someone who wants/needs/cares to hear every drip of what you’re saying. Maybe it’s someone you want to help or maybe you are writing to a person in your life who hurt you or who loves you. Speak directly to them.

• Find a writing buddy, group, or creative community to talk to on a consistent basis. Writing can be so isolating and being in community and ‘talking the talk’ reminds us that our language and our worlds are real and there are people who get us and their observations and insights inspire our creative language making it even richer. Engage with art and artists as much as possible.  

• Create an online space for yourself where you can freely be your creative self and embody your writing voice without fear of judgment. You can even write anonymously if you want. You can share without watering yourself down. You can experiment and build courage and confidence in that space. It could be a social media page or a blog, or Substack, Medium, Wattpad, etc. 

• Write about your passions. What you could talk about all day? Write about that. Becoming a coach and facilitator has been a huge part of recovering my writing voice because it taught me how to let go and connect with my audience in such a pure and unfiltered way. I’m so passionate about creativity that my passion overrides my old need to say things perfectly. 

Do you want to build courage and confidence in your creative expression? Registration for the Creative Courage Writing Intensive opens soon.

The intensive takes a holistic look at creative courage through the lens of daily habits, reflective self-discovery, and personal storytelling. Participants will come away with tools and concepts to nourish their creative process and embrace vulnerability as a source of courage.

If you’re interested in the joining the summer intensive which starts in June, you can sign up to receive the early bird discount code and be notified when registration opens here.

Does perfectionism ever get in the way of your creative efforts? Share with me in the comments!