the cage of comparison

weekly story work exercise

If you’re new here, paid subscribers receive Story Work exercises every Sunday night at 8 pm et. Story Work: Field Notes on Self-Discovery and Reclaiming Your Narrative is the name of my new book which is forthcoming from Broadleaf Books in November 2025. The term describes my signature process of reflecting, reclaiming, and reimagining the stories of our lives. It involves looking at your life experiences as creative material that you have the power to shape. For the next few weeks, our story work theme is Defying Scarcity. All subscribers can read the free preview below.

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Before we get into today’s exercise, I’m sharing some reminders about upcoming writing sessions and workshops. Registration for the first Story Work Healing Intensive cohort will be opening soon. If you would like to be the first to be notified, please sign up here.

May 2. Free Writing the Layers Monthly Workshop // 7 - 8 pm et
— freewriting, sharing, listening, and connecting, open to all subscribers

May 4. Memoir and Motherhood Writing Workshop // 12 - 3 pm et
— discussion and writing about the complicated topic of motherhood
— Paid subscribers get 15% off using the code in the header, $50 for drop-ins

May 18 - 25. Writing About Mental Illness Workshop // 2 - 4 pm et
— two-day workshop through The Writer’s Center

Photo by iridial on Unsplash

How does the scarcity mentality show up in how you approach your creative callings and life in general?

This is what the story work exercises have focused on over the past three weeks. Let’s start with a recap.

• Week One: Defying Scarcity - In this series, we are examining the scarcity mindset: how it affects our creative work + our lifestyles and how we can reframe it through self-discovery and storytelling. For every limiting belief that is thrown at you, there is an exception, a miracle, an example of someone defying scarcity with their faith and audacity. What could happen if you approached your creative life with a sense of abundance, fueled by the things that can’t be taken away?

• Week Two: Chasing Time - The true measure of our lives is not conveyed through minutes or months or years but through the quality of how we spend our time moment to moment. Embracing time abundance in your creative life is believing that when you are true to your authentic needs (rest, movement, self-care, etc.) and values (priorities that matter to you), then you can create a life where time is on your side. When we center ourselves in the present moment, time expands for us.

• Week Three: Reclaiming Your Attention - Our attention is precious. We have to be intentional about what we consume and how we consume it. We have to be intentional about seeking out space to give our attention to the things that matter to us, that nourish and uplift us. We need that sustenance. Our resilience depends on it. Our creativity depends on it. We need a grab bag of practices that counter the external influences and distractions we face each day.

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Comparison is a big part of the creative journey. We all have to cope with it in some way.

This week is about the role that scarcity plays in fueling comparison.

Comparison can create a scarcity mentality, but it can also be a source of inspiration for growth. Let’s clarify the difference.

the cage of comparison

On Friday in the Inner Story Writing Circle, we had a conversation about cultivating a writing life you love that isn’t dominated by shoulds.

(Pro tip: If your writing life is dominated by shoulds, you won’t love it. I promise you.)

Too often, our natural impulses and callings are detoured by what we think we should be doing. The shoulds get loud when we look around and start having certain expectations of ourselves based on what we see.

Sometimes we are detoured by thinking that our creative journey needs to look a certain way or have a certain result or outcome to be worthwhile.

When we are not sure what we want to get out of our creative work, the shoulds cast a shadow over the joy of exploration.

The shoulds have landed me in the cage of comparison many times.

I should have a bigger vocabulary.

I should be writing faster.

I should be taking more classes.

I should be writing on every platform.

I should be trying to get more bylines.

I should…

But wait… Why and based on what? What’s the deeper why that is driving this self-doubt?

As someone who started writing with no intention other than to reconnect with myself, I had no idea where writing would take me. I discovered a passion for writing as a tool for self-discovery, and then I discovered a passion for helping others use writing to heal, grow, and improve the quality of their lives.

I didn’t have a roadmap, so I had to figure out what I wanted to get out of it (my deeper why) and find a lane for myself one step at a time. Along the way, I got distracted and disillusioned many times because of the shoulds and comparing myself to what other people were doing. People who had more experience. People who were more popular. People who I perceived through the lens of scarcity, believing that they had something that I didn’t.

Can you relate to this?

Maybe you get an idea or you are following a certain path and feeling good about it, and then you see someone doing it differently and being successful, and before you know it, doubt kicks in and you think: Maybe I am doing it wrong and I need to be more like them?

If so, you are not alone!

The secret to breaking out of the cage of comparison is to trust your callings. Get clear on your values, use them as a compass, and align your choices and actions accordingly. Regardless of what other people are doing or how much you compare or contrast with what you see.

Easier said than done at first, but it does become more comfortable with practice. If you don’t know your values, get curious and experiment with following your gut instincts to discover and observe what moves you, what lights you up, what motivates you to take action.

With this perspective, the only shoulds that affect you involve aligning with your authentic callings and being open to where that trust takes you.

Make your creative life a journey of self-exploration, not a search for external validation.

Perceiving your journey through the eyes of comparison will eventually take the heart and soul out of your efforts and leave you in a cage of your own making.

comparison and scarcity

Depending on your mindset, comparison can be helpful.

It’s all about the energy behind it.

It can lead to inspiration and a-ha moments that expand our ideas of what’s possible.

But when we’re not centered in our values, what matters to us, and who we authentically are, comparison turns into envy and feelings of scarcity that sabotage our creativity.

Comparison makes us second-guess our instincts and forget our intrinsic motivations. Before we know it, we are changing direction when we ought to be staying the course.

Comparison taps you on the shoulder:

Maybe you should be more like them.

Someone else has already done it, so there is nothing left for you.

Your work is not as relevant as theirs.

You’re too slow, too late, and you’ll never catch up.

You can’t be happy until you’ve achieved what they have.

The energy behind this kind of comparison is lack, a scarcity mentality.

If want to change your relationship with comparison, you have to change your relationship with scarcity.

Otherwise, you get caught in the vicious cycle: