the fear of getting lost
plus, our upcoming author visit and book giveaway
Hi community,
The first part of this post is a throwback to one of my early story work exercises from before I came over to Substack. I couldn’t help but notice how my current book-writing experience is helping to ease my fear of getting lost. As I move through the project step-by-step, it is forcing me to face my fear of the unknown and build my trust muscle, and I’m noticing the benefits of this in my dreams. More on that below.
We also have an author chat and book giveaway coming up. Read on to learn more about our next guest, Jade Olivia, and leave a comment to be entered to win a copy of her new novel, A Month of Sundays.
the fear of getting lost
“If our dreams are truly a reflection of messages released from our subconscious, then my dreams are telling me that I have a deep-seated fear of getting lost.”
When I initially wrote about this a year ago, I’d gotten into the habit of reassuring myself before I went to sleep that if the dream got too intense, I could wake myself up.
In the dream that triggered this reflection, I was in the grocery store at night, which was not an uncommon or uncomfortable thing for me in real life. But when I walked out of the automatic doors of the Safeway with both hands full of bags, suddenly the whole parking lot was empty, our truck was gone, poof, nowhere to be found.
I froze as a familiar dread came over me. I realized that I was not at the Safeway up the street from my house like I thought it was, and it wasn’t nighttime, it was the middle of the day. I looked east, west, south, and north to get my bearings, but I had no idea where I was as the landscape kept changing every few seconds, minutes, I couldn’t be sure. I couldn’t trust my surroundings. I couldn’t trust my perception.
Where are my grocery bags? Where’s my keys, my purse, my phone?! Lost yet again, I began the descent into panic which usually involved frantically running around in circles, moving through quicksand, climbing mountains, searching crowds looking for someone I know, unable to see faces. Trying to find my way to safety, only finding dead ends.
The circumstances of each dream were different, but they all involved some kind of misunderstanding, usually on my part. Some error that results in me getting lost or left behind, losing something or someone important. Some of the dreams would have a mild effect on me—more annoying than anything else. While others were bona fide nightmares that I escaped only after exhausting every cell of my body to pull myself back into the waking world sweaty, confused, relieved.
…
take the adventure
Getting lost is one of those unexpected pivots in our lives (and in our writing) that we do our best to avoid. Why is it so scary to get lost, especially when we know that it’s an inevitable part of life?
In this Literary Hub article, Hal Niedzviecki says, “Being lost, getting lost, is a foundational narrative—an ur-text for almost every imaginable culture and time.”
He goes on to reference examples of folklore, biblical stories, and Greek literature where the characters have to get lost and go on an adventure in order to find their way home and become who they are meant to be.
He says, “In the Western canon, lost is where it all begins. Children cannot reach adulthood until they get lost—in Grimms’ fairy tales, in upside-down lands like Wonderland, Narnia, Oz—lands stumbled into as accidentally-on-purpose as an anonymous wall leading to track nine and three-quarters… Is it that we’re all children waiting to get lost, to be defined by singular adventure? … Ah adventure. Is that what being lost is? Adventure means experiencing dramatic uncertainty, something that requires you to marshal your resources and make it out alive with a story to tell.”
I got curious about what would happen if I didn’t panic when I got lost in my dreams; if I just sat still and observed, no chasing, no running. Maybe taking the attitude that I’m on an adventure. Maybe this new attitude would lead me to different outcomes. Maybe the courage to embrace the unknown would carry over into real life.
It turned out that real life would bring me a teacher that would help me embrace the adventure of getting lost, and also ease my nightmares.
While writing my book over the past few months, there have been days when I had clear direction and just flowed on cruise control. Other days, I was desperately lost and worried that I would never find my way back. The desperation and urgency of being lost in a creative project feels the same in my body as it does getting lost in my dreams.
When this happens during a writing session, I take a minute to just breathe. Maybe I take a full break. Then I go back to review what I’ve written so far, retracing my steps to remind myself what story I am telling. I see that I’ve come a long way and I give myself grace and encouragement for coming so far, and for trusting the creative force that is leading me. Sometimes it takes more than one session to get back on track, but I find my way back every time, and usually the experience of being lost brings me fresh insights that I needed.
So now, I’m like, okay. I’m not lost, I’m on an adventure. This attitude is not only helping me navigate this book project and daily life challenges, but if my dreams are any indication, the practice is also shifting my subconscious beliefs. Because I can’t remember the last time I had a dream about getting lost. I don’t really expect that the dreams are gone forever, but for now they are dormant and I see that as progress.
This is another example of how writing, creative practice, is a way for us to give ourselves new experiences and evidence of what we are capable of that benefits us in every area of our lives.
Do you have a fear of getting lost? How does it show up in your life, in your dreams, or both?
chat with us
…
Author Visit w/ Jade Olivia on August 31 from 12 - 1 pm et
open to all subscribers: register here
Our Author Chat series is a one-hour session with authors and creatives talking about their books, projects, creative process, and journey.
Next up we have Jade Olivia who is a Pennsylvania-based author with a passion for weaving stories that explore love and the human experiences that shape us. When not crafting worlds on paper, Jade enjoys traveling, finding new restaurants, and spending time with her family.
We will be chatting with Jade about her recently released romance novel, A Month of Sundays. You can enter to win a copy of the book by leaving a comment below.
About the book:
Quiet creative Imani Wright finally has everything she’s prayed for – lovely friendships and an art career on the rise.
As a part-time stylist assistant to celebrity client Melody Monroe, she’s met her fair share of entertaining figures, one of them being tennis legend DeAndre Harrison. They first met at Melody’s wedding more than four years ago, building an instant visceral connection that Imani never felt with anyone…
After a chance encounter with Imani at his friend’s wedding a few years ago, DeAndre hasn’t been able to get her out of his mind. The two have remained mutual acquaintances since then, something that DeAndre reluctantly accepted. But, he figures out just what to do to get Imani back in his life…
Book Giveaway:
Enter to win a copy of A Month of Sundays. Leave a comment below sharing your favorite romance novel and you will be entered to win!
I love the title of Jade Olivia's book and the story sounds intriguing. It's also befitting as I am on a self-love journey and have committed to a month of Saturdays of discovery dates with myself. The idea of a month of "any day" commitment seems like a great way to start something! I look forward to reading Jade's book.
I definitely relate to the fear of getting lost. More like an absolute panic at getting lost. GPS has been my therapist. When that voice comes on my phone and tells me to turn in 500 feet, the relief is ridiculous. I've gradually learned that sometimes I don't know, temporarily, in this particular moment, how to get from point A to point B. And that feels a lot different than "lost."